Top ten ways not to be a Tourist Muppet in London

So you’ve only just arrived in London, or your still in the first month and can’t quite work out why people seem annoyed with you?

Well here at DownUnderLondon we want to help you, so here are the top ten ways not to be a muppet, annoy everyone else in London and just stand out like a tourist!

Number 10

When using the tube, wait for people to get off the train before trying to get on.

Otherwise how do you expect to be able to squeeze on yourself?

Number 9

If your under 22 and are in a gaggle (5+) of foreign students, watch where the hell you are going.  Stop talking crap to your mates and going “oh wow its London” in three different languages and watch out for the people who actually know where they are going as they walk down the street

Number 8

Ok yes this one seems to confuse everyone when they first arrive.  When your taking an escalator stand on the right hand side.  Yes all those signs on the escalators really mean, don’t point out the sign and then continue to stand on the left side.  Even Muppets know better.

In case your wondering, no we don’t have any idea either, in the UK you drive on the left but stand on the right, does anyone know?

Number 7

Don’t walk around the city with a big furry UK flag hat on your head.  Seriously only Joey from Friends did that, and all his other friends said he was an idiot and they were right.  Honestly you won’t meet any royalty while your doing it, well if you really do please tell us and show us the photo.  🙂

Number 6

Don’t smile and look too excited.

Yes London is a great place but look at all the people who live here, how many of them wander around with goofy smiles on there face?  Ok we probably are being a harsh here, but it is funny that all the people who look all excited and happy are the tourists, while the locals just look frustrated that the next train is at least 5 minutes away.

Number 5

In the tube stations, when you get to the top of the escalator or just past the tube gates, now is not the time to try and pull out your map and work out where you should be going.   Move away from the flow of all the people and then sort out what you want to do/where your lipstick is/which way it is to Covent Garden.

Oh and the same thing applies on the sidewalk/pavements as well, if you want to check something out stand to the side so every else can just keep on walking

Number 4

Your cellphone does not work Underground.

Well it may in the future if Boris the Buffoon has anything to do about it, but at the moment your phone does not work in a tunnel/underground.   However it’s always good for comic relief of the locals when the train goes underground and then you keep talking on your phone for five minutes before realising no one was listening to you.

Number 3

Yes there is a queue.

Whenever you are in a busy store, or lining up for an ATM, look around as more than likely there will be a queue of people lining up politely to get service.  They sure won’t like you if you try and cut in front of everyone, it might be the way things happen elsewhere, but it’s not the standard in the UK.

Number 2

It’s easier to walk than to take a train/tube, well in Central London.

This one is more a help than to stop you look muppet like, but it’s actually a lot easier to walk around Central London than you may think.  So next time you need to get somewhere try walking there.

Number 1

The number one way not to be a Muppet in London…

Well what’s your one?  Leave us a comment…


Oh and of course, if you’ve only just arrived you won’t know what a Muppet is in English terms – generally speaking it’s means an idiot.

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